Monday, September 20, 2010

I saw what you did there, McDonald's guy!

Back from vacation! The highlights of which were a beautiful visit of Lac St-Jean, a bunch of animals, a nasty itch from the sting of a hairy caterpillar and one of those leg cramps that wake you up in the middle of the night, hoping death would arrive.

Every second morning, I go to McDonald's and get myself a coffee. I love their coffee; I got to taste it when they had that free coffee promotion a year ago, right before every morning became a god damn gulag where you had to wait 25 minutes for a free cup of coffee. Apparently, people like to wait 25 minutes for something worth $1.37.

But it's only recently that I realized something - the guy at McDonald's will always put the cover in a certain way so that coffee will leak from the ply into the cardboard cup, right onto your lap, when you take a sip. So don't forget to check under if the ply is in front of the spout - if it's the case, someone with a shitty job is trying to fuck you.

We have shitty jobs, therefore you must pay.

Here's a list of other things that are making me a little more insane with each passing moment:

  • People who add shitty music to their shitty Youtube videos: This just makes me want to pull out my front teeth. The Internet is already overstuffed with useless scripts, ads and other bandwidth-whoring crap, there really is no need for people to sprinkle some Nickelback on top of those boring Halo 3 replays of theirs.
  • Leeches and slugs: Every night, all the leeches and slugs of the world meet in an underground bunker and plan the destruction of every other living thing in the Universe. I learned that when I was a kid, when I put a leech in a fishtank and watched, horrified, as it killed them all, one by one. But it didn't just kill them - it crammed its face inside its agonizing, helpless victim's gill crack and sucked all the air and blood and life out of it. These meetings are also attended by hairy caterpillars and house centipedes.
  • Waiting in line: Everytime I get stuck waiting in line, I pull a Michael Douglas in Falling Down, minus the latino drive-bys and dead Nazis. Can't stand it. People cut in front with some kind of excuse (i.e. I am 6'5" tall). Fuck that - nothing is worth waiting in line.
  • People who don't wash their hands after taking shits: Unacceptable. There are some dudes at work who skip the hand-washing part of shitting, and everyone knows who they are because the Shithands List gets printed and passed around. The dirtiest piece of clothing we own is the belt buckle - it's the only article of clothing that comes into direct contact with solid, liquid and gaseous crap particles and isn't washed on a regular basis. Let's keep it at that and wash our fucking hands, shall we?
Next week: a list of things I love.


  1. People who use Light-year as a time unit.



  2. About music "additives" addicts in youtube. Each time I want to look at a specific of a movie I like, I always bump into "creative" stuffs made by teens who think they already are videoclips masters.

  3. hhahahaha! I remember that shit-list was verbal, now it hit printers? :P

  4. I need a copy of the shit-hands list!

  5. The blog article very surprised to me! Your writing is good. In this I learned a lot! Thank you